Dear Mom,
Someday I hope that you stumble upon this.
I know that now you think the worst of me. And to be honest, I don’t blame you because I have done some shady things in the past. I have done what it takes for a mother to completely mistrust her child; so in the end, the blame is on me. In the end, after a year and a half of trying to make up for my mistakes and show you that I have changed, when you doubt me, it is still my fault.
I know that today I broke curfew because - surprise - I was working. And you know, maybe I have neglected my home life, but hey, to be honest, there was not much to neglect, considering that even in the same house, we don’t really spend time together. You tell me that it’s my fault because I sleep a lot when I’m not at work, but when was the last time you slept a short amount of time after working an eight shift about five times a week? And when was the last time we actually spent time together even after I was awake? You playing your games on the computer while I have breakfast watching t.v. hardly counts.
But tonight it was truly my fault. I stayed late to fulfill my responsibilities at work and “forgot” about you, thinking that you would understand that sometimes you have to do what you need to do. And even more I thought you would understand because at one point, I was the one waiting for you to come home, or to even come out of your office as I sat in the waiting room drawing with your secretary, because, well you were at work. But yeah, working because you have mouths to feed and working because you worry that your sixty-six year old dad who works 50-60 hours a week and your diabetic mother may need your help at some point in the financial department, are definitely not the same thing…
Today I found out something. I found that my motivation to get out of this house will be you. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean you you. I mean your way of looking at me and always thinking the worst of me no matter the situation. And honestly mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every mistake I made that made you “see” that I’m a bad person, because even though you say you don’t think the worst of me, in your words, “your attitude says it all.”
But Mom, honestly, as tired as you are, I’m tired too. I’m tired of trying to please everyone, I’m tired more than anything, of trying to please you…because no matter what, I have realized that nothing I do will ever be good enough.
Dear Mom,
Someday I hope that you stumble upon this.
I know that now you think the worst of me. And to be honest, I don’t blame you because I have done some shady things in the past. I have done what it takes for a mother to completely mistrust her child; so in the end, the blame is on me. In the end, after a year and a half of trying to make up for my mistakes and show you that I have changed, when you doubt me, it is still my fault.
I know that today I broke curfew because - surprise - I was working. And you know, maybe I have neglected my home life, but hey, to be honest, there was not much to neglect, considering that even in the same house, we don’t really spend time together. You tell me that it’s my fault because I sleep a lot when I’m not at work, but when was the last time you slept a short amount of time after working an eight shift about five times a week? And when was the last time we actually spent time together even after I was awake? You playing your games on the computer while I have breakfast watching t.v. hardly counts.
But tonight it was truly my fault. I stayed late to fulfill my responsibilities at work and “forgot” about you, thinking that you would understand that sometimes you have to do what you need to do. And even more I thought you would understand because at one point, I was the one waiting for you to come home, or to even come out of your office as I sat in the waiting room drawing with your secretary, because, well you were at work. But yeah, working because you have mouths to feed and working because you worry that your sixty-six year old dad who works 50-60 hours a week and your diabetic mother may need your help at some point in the financial department, are definitely not the same thing…
Today I found out something. I found that my motivation to get out of this house will be you. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean you you. I mean your way of looking at me and always thinking the worst of me no matter the situation. And honestly mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every mistake I made that made you “see” that I’m a bad person, because even though you say you don’t think the worst of me, in your words, “your attitude says it all.”
But Mom, honestly, as tired as you are, I’m tired too. I’m tired of trying to please everyone, I’m tired more than anything, of trying to please you…because no matter what, I have realized that nothing I do will ever be good enough.
Posted 1 year ago Notes
